Update on Hank

So, I moved out of my apartment a few months ago & before I left, I made sure, while cleaning, to keep Hank on my mind. I told him that, as much as I had come to like him, I thought it was an opportune time for both of us to move on & go our separate ways ~ this would be a good time for him to 'go to The Light'. I made a point of repeating this, inside my head, while I was removing everything from my old closet (where Hank typically 'hung out') & especially while I was cleaning the emptied room. I then sage smudged the whole apartment. I said an 'Our Father' out loud ~ it brought a few tears to my eyes. Then, I attempted to put Hank out of my mind & get on with my moving.

I've been inbetween places for a while now, traveling between cities, moving my stuff & I haven't noticed him lurking around any corners. Then a few nights ago, I was visiting a friend in SF ~ a Pisces who had *seen* Hank before, at my old place & he asked me about him. I was telling him this story & he said that he got an image of Hank in his 3rd eye while I spoke & Hank didn't look 'dead' anymore ~ he looked good & filled with a golden light. That was a very good sign! I am curious to see how my new closet will feel, in a new city.

image credit to Tom Vezo

Hank

There is a ghost in my closet.

I call him Hank. I saw him once, but mostly I *feel* his presence & sometimes he speaks to me, inside my head. Some of my friends have noticed him, too & we all agree that he is a ghost ~ a spirit trapped on the earth plane. I have attempted to 'send him to the light,' but he responded, "You are the brightest thing I have seen." Flatterer!

My friend Brandon, who had much more experience *seeing* ghosts than I did, told me that Hank followed me home one day & has been hanging out in my closet, since. That was a few years ago & at the time, I had assumed that this is when Hank joined up with me. But recently, I've been thinking & it dawned on me that Hank has been with me for longer than that. He just went, mostly, unnoticed until then.

The one time I saw Hank, I was lying on my bed & I felt that someone had come into the room. I turned over, expecting to see my boyfriend, come in from the bathroom ~ but, instead, I *saw* Hank. He was dead ~ broken neck ~ long, dark, straggly hair ~ flesh falling off his skull, that was tilted, off to the side. As soon as I started to recognize what I was seeing, he faded away right in front of me. He wasn't really 'threatening,' just surprising & quite ugly. The fact that he looked 'dead' makes me think that he is a 'trapped spirit' aka 'ghost' & not just a visiting spirit (they seem glowing & in *perfect* health, in the mind's eye ~ I have more experience in this kind of thing, now).

Another friend of mine, tells me that Hank hung himself because he was upset about something that happened with his son ~ maybe Hank killed him? on purpose? by accident? My friend couldn't get any more details out of him, but suicide & regret line up with Hank being trapped here. Other details that I have been able to discern using my friends, are that his name wasn't really 'Hank' but he doesn't mind being called that & that it surprises him that we don't fear him & even seem to enjoy his company.

What can I say? I regularly hang out with a variety of 'shady' living people. I ride the bus. Some of my live friends have checkered pasts & some of my good friends have already died ~ I don't hold that against them. I tend to take in stray cats. Hank is welcome in my company, if only because he is interesting, but he has proven himself to be helpful, beyond that.

Let me be clear. I want him to 'go to the light.' I can tell that he is in pain & I can also tell that he is a bit of a drag on my energy. I know he 'feeds' off my energy. But until I can figure out a better way to 'send him to the light' than just telling him that & pointing him in The Direction, he may as well earn his keep by providing me with further inspiration to write about ghosts, spirits, the otherside, etc. & giving me more personal experience with the weirder things of this world.

When I'm picking out clothes, in my closet, I can *feel* Hank get into my head. My thought process, which should be fairly straightforward, at that point, picking out an outfit to wear for the day, starts to get kinda *fuzzy* & I become more easily frustrated ~ I can't find a certain sweater ~ it should be right here ~ fine, I'll wear something else ~ look somewhere else ~ no, these won't work ~ look back ~ the original sweater is right there, in front of me. I know the sweater didn't 'disappear' & 'reappear,' but I do think that Hank has the ability to *cloud* my mind in a way that alters my perceptions, a bit. He can convince me to 'not' see something right in front of me. This little exercise has taught me much about perception.

I have become accustomed to the fleeting, black shadow that I catch out of the corner of my eye, every once in a while. My interaction with him, tho somewhat 'dark,' is comfortable.

Each time I have moved, since I have become aware of Hank, I have burned a little sage & told Hank that it was time for him to move, also. I encouraged him to go to the light, but also said that he was welcome to travel with me, if he so desired. So far, he has desired.

Rest In Peace, Nana

Less than a month after I wrote the last post, my last living grandparent died. After living a long & full life, her death was mercifully easy. Triggered by a failing heart, she slipped into a coma & died 3 days later ~ on Christmas morning.

I flew back East, to be with my family & attended her memorial service. It was good to see my whole family & I was happy to ring in the New Year with them, even if under these sad circumstances. It was cold outside & that seemed appropriate.

I have held off on writing anything about my Nana's passing until now because soon after I returned home from the East Coast, I had a dream:

I'm in the kitchen at my Nana's old house & she is there. She is confused & keeps repeating the sentiment that she must get ready for Christmas. I assure her that she is already prepared & that she has nothing to worry about. In the dream, I am aware that she has died. The phone keeps ringing & I keep answering it. I don't recognize the people on the other end, but they seem genuinely concerned about Nana. I tell them that I am her granddaughter, that I am helping her & that she will be fine.

I woke up feeling that I had *visited* with the spirit of my Nana. In the last few years of her life, she had developed a rather severe case of dementia. Most of her short term memory was gone & she was confused & upset on pretty much a daily basis. Her death was as painless as possible & I think that her *spirit* was still having a difficult time comprehending that she had died. I didn't think that she was in danger of becoming an 'earthbound spirit' (aka ghost), but I do think that she needed a bit of 'decompression time' after her physical death before she could move on.

I stayed respectfully quiet during that time.

I am writing this now because I've had a few more dreams of my Nana since then.

In the second one, we were still at her old house ~ but in the front room & there were other people there. She seemed to be going about her business.

I awoke from that dream feeling like she had made some progress in accepting her death, but she still hadn't 'crossed over'. It was comforting to feel like I was visiting with her, but even more comforting was the dream I had just about a week ago.

I dreamed that I was at a family gathering at my parents' house & as I walked into the family room, I saw my Nana standing there. At this point in the dream I realize that I know she is dead but that she may not & I am grateful for the opportunity to visit with her. She smiles & I notice the golden aura around her ~ she dissolves slowly & I transition back to sharing a meal with the rest of my family.

It seems to me that she has *crossed over* now & I feel very blessed to have been able to witness it, if only in my dreams.